Blog Roll!

As I've been so quiet on this blog, I figured I'd take the opportunity to introduce you to my newest and greatest in blogs!

Mysti Guymon-Reutlinger - my baby and strong going blog. There's quite a few comments and tons of avid readers!!

I look forward to seeing you pop and post a comment in this area of the woods.

Stress-free wedding planning!

There's nothing more exciting than knowing you are planning to marry someone and spend your life with them! However, when it comes down to planning a wedding; it seems to take a great deal of excitement out of the engagement. We have come up with a fantastic solution to this growing problem!

We are getting married in Vegas! We will have an extended weekend get-away in Vegas with friends and family! We've picked out a wedding package at one of the many chapels in Vegas which provides us with everything we could need. All we have to do is show up, dressed for the occasion and poof - our weekend will be filled with more fun than we could dream!

I called my friend, Michelle, and she's on notice; with flight plans on stand-by for the incredible day as are a couple others. Talk about a fantastic place to have a bachelor/bachelorette party and wedding, only to be followed with hours of celebrating and carrying on!

So - a tip to all of those who might be looking at a wedding in the future - plan a wedding for Vegas instead of just eloping!! It'll be a blast!

Jadenisms....

"I'm really hungry to me
I'm really hungry to me
I'm really hungryyyy to meeeeeeeeee
I'm really hungry to me!"

That would be the song that has floated around the house; coming from my sweet little boy who is apparently malnourished and underfed todayy and come dinner time; just doesn't know what he's going to do - as his stomach is apparently going to ingest his body and consume him to nothing. :)

It's been a while...

And I must say, there have been many times I've sat down with the intention of blogging a lengthy post or two; yet somehow midst my fingers striking countless keys, I find something in life needing my attention and close the half completed blog and tend to the beautiful life surrounding myself.

Our schedules have changed and life has become, in many ways, filled with much more to keep ourselves busy; as always with the incredible season change and warm weather. My schedule at work is changing; as is the position I hold. I will be working five days a week with split days off. The benefit to all of that is less bickering and a much more stress free work environment for myself. I look forward to that change later this week and welcome the excitement that it shall bring as well.

Wednesday we took a trip to the pediatric allergist in Ft. Collins. It was a difficult and very discouraging trip for myself, and painfully difficult for Jaden as well. The doctor insisted on doing a skin-prick test and after what seemed to be hours of torture; couldn't pass on any information that would prove beneficial. After the hours of research I've done in regards to the matter at hand; I've opted to work out a challenge diet for Jaden; limited to his basic foods and expanding from there. It definitely seems to be the best route to take; keeping Jaden sheltered from fearing doctors worse.

We've spent time working on wedding plans and I must decide who I would like as my other two bridesmaids for the special event. As easy as that choice should be; I am finding it a rather difficult task. One person I would love to have standing at my side resides in Florida and the opportunity to travel is proving to be a bit of a challenge as it is for her. No matter; I would still like her there. The other person is my sister. I couldn't think of anyone else to fill that position; standing at my side as I take my vows and marry Rob; the man I love so intently, deeply and passionately.

Last week brought about a great visit with Rob's sister and family; with whom I hadn't met until that point. I enjoyed the time spent; no matter how short. Heidi and Wade are amazing parents with three absolutely beautiful boys who would melt the heart of the coldest individual. The way all of the cousins interacted was phenomenal. I couldn't have asked for a more grand time.

Rob and I have our first picture together as a couple; or rather our first picture where both of us are willing to share with the world. It was taken at Drew's home; prior to my heading off to work.



It seems to be that time where I wrap it up. Although there are countless thoughts spinning through my mind; it's nearing 1:30 in the morning and I still have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I will do my best to blog more frequently; if not here directly, on my writing counterpart.

Wishes for happiness and joy to all!

Wedding Plans

We've reset our wedding date for September 15. There's so much to be done!!! My days off will be filled with so many things - and traveling to Ft. Collins to hit the bridal shops! I'm excited and totally thrilled!

A Moment

There are these little moments that always seem to catch me totally off guard and remind me of how amazing life and living truly are. I've had more than my fair share of those moments in the past couple of weeks and through all of that; I've realized just how much I have in my life. We aren't doing doing things every day and many times spend more time cooped up as a family together in our apartment; but it's been those moments, the family moments together that have left me feeling so blessed.

What happens when you reach that moment when saying "I love you" no longer seems to justify all that you feel? Is that the moment when you realize you've found everything that you could ever want in that relationship? I've reached that point and when I those three words to Rob; they feel so unworthy of everything that I am saying. I have such a deep and incredible sense of love, caring, understanding, respect, honor and desire for an amazing future - together; every single time I say that.

There are moments when I'm sure that everything that we have will be disrupted by something in our lives; as that's been the fantastic pattern in my life; however something is so different this time round and I haven't been able to place it - perhaps it's the way he gets angry when I'm obviously angry at him and I don't want to talk about it right at that moment, maybe it's the way he looks at me and I have to question exactly what is running through his mind at that moment in time - because I do, really, want to know. Whatever it is; the difference, between the relationship that we share and every person that has come into my life before I guess doesn't matter. What matters is we are here and we are now.

I can honestly say that when we talked about getting married in the past and set a date; I was so scared, I didn't want to make a mistake as I will only get married once in my life - and never want to go through a divorce. I questioned everything and actually felt quite disrupted to start. I never spoke to him - or anyone about those feelings and now; they appear to me as a childish way to get out of a commitment - the commitment I couldn't dream of my life without now.

So there it is in a nutshell. I've finally reached the point where I have no doubts, no questions, and all the desire in the world to share all of my time, all of my life and build an amazing family with one man - the man who I love more than that single word could ever encompass in its meaning.

WOW!

It's been over a week since I last sat down and took the time to ramble many thoughts together for public view. This week has held much meaning for myself - and in some ways; incredible growth...

I managed to get through my week of work, which in many ways has turned from a fun place to relax and have fun into that seemingly old familiar disgust that equates to a job that just isn't bringing the same fulfillment. In the course of that time, I've been thinking about taking on a part-time job as a property manager for an apartment complex; which would provide housing and a few other great benefits; as well as allow me to cut back the shifts that I'm working at the bar and hopefully turn that type of job back into the fun and enjoyment that I have loved so much in the past; rather than loathe.

We took a trip away this week; and even though it was short, it was completely enjoyable and totally relaxing. I had an absolute blast with everyone and our night out on the town was well worth it. Those friendships have grown and I feel much more connected with those who were there and had great conversations that have left me feeling so rejuvenated.

The other wonderful thing that has occurred in the last week has been the incredible closeness I've felt with Rob. As I said at one point to a friend this week, we aren't back on track, we are much better than we were before and that, in itself, is beyond incredible. I feel very blessed to have that in my life.

Today is another day and tonight I will be at work; making a living and hopefully enjoying myself for the first time in a while. I'm trying to approach the negative aspects of this job in a much more positive manner. I have had the thought about moving to the cocktail side of the bar at least one night a week; which really, might prove to be a great break, as opposed to being on that other side all the time. There are many options there and we'll see what happens...

Onto other news...

My baby will be three in just a couple of weeks. His birthday is fast approaching and packages are beginning to arrive. I've been shamelessly ordering many spiderman items for his room - including all new bedding for his full-sized big-boy bed! I'm looking forward to the time we are able to spend together with all of Rob's family; including his sister and her family at the Children's museum in Denver. It's going to be an exciting and exhausting day all together; but so worth it, too.

That's it for now... what a week it's been and this coming week can only be bigger and better!

My "weekend"

My weekend is almost over, if weekend is even the right term for those days off that fall within the week. It's time to get ready to start my work week all over again tomorrow. I can't say that these days off have been the best, but I've certainly managed to fair through the anniversary of Reiley's death and came out still on top.

I did spend a good portion of the day on Monday working on edits on one of my children's stories. I have so much more work to get done on that, it's unbelievable. I took all the notes from having a couple different people edit it and combined them, thought logically about them and applied what I felt really fit the story; versus not giving a rats butt. All in all, I think I've ultimately left myself more work to do; but that is the way of life in writing - there's always something else that can create a much better and more carefully construed story.

Tuesday was an adventure for myself and Jaden. We traveled to Wheatland and back as my dear friend, Heath, had a funeral to attend himself and needed a bit of help and support. It was a welcomed break away from everything here and a good distraction for the day. My thoughts and prayers are still with all of your family, Heath.

Today has been fairly laid back, so far. I didn't manage to get anything accomplished this morning that has been gnawing at me on that ever growing to-do list; however, this afternoon did bring about a much needed shopping excursion for groceries and household necessities. Nothing like spending a couple hundred dollars for a few weeks worth of food and such. But, alas, it wasn't the perfect shopping trip as I still forgot a few things that were needed; but they didn't make it to my two page shopping list. I guess there's always a quick trip to the store later.

Tomorrow Jaden has his appointment with the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist and we'll probably have the discussion about Tubes in his ears for the second time. I'm not exactly looking forward to that whole process, but we'll get through it. I'd much rather my son be able to hear correctly and not deal with nasty ear infections than the other alternatives...

On the list of to-do's for tonight - closet reorganization, cleaning house and breaking out the barbecue stuff and grilling steaks. Yum!

I hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!

I wish for you to enjoy the time with your loved ones; friends and family, as you feast upon whatever meals land their way to your plate. Celebrate the Greatness of the day, but most of all, remember to show how much you care for those around you!!! They truly are a blessing and must be treated as such.

Friday!

TGIF?? I wish! I have to be at work in an hour and I'm tired, worn out and ready to crawl in bed for the duration. The weather outside is cold, snow-stricken and gloomy. It does make for a great day to sit snuggled up in front of the fireplace with a fire blazing, a couple cups of hot-cocoa or chai tea and a good book or soft music in the background with a pen and paper, allowing me the opportunity to allow my imagination to run rampant on the pages with words carefully construed together; forming a fun story or poem...

And with a snap back into reality; I'm off to finish getting ready for work. Until another day......

Declaration of Independence

As I commented last night, I watched "Pursuit of Happyness" and the title of it caught my attention and began the wheels churning in my never stopping mind. It's amazing at how our country has changed since July 4, 1776; the day the Declaration of Independence was signed.

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

It is when I read all that our founding father's so carefully constructed within those lines, that I find myself questioning our own government and the inequality that is present within this country. I find it saddening to believe that these men and all the centuries of lives lost during this time of settling into this country, fighting for their right to freedom from persecution, is all just a mere lesson in history books filling the schools across this 'great' nation. The basic rights and needs are no longer accounted for nor appreciated as seen through recent legislation (past 10 years, specifically.)

What are your views on the Declaration of Independence and the meaning behind it; versus the life in which you are living?

Laziness

So being totally and completely lazy has set in for me today. I haven't touched the laundry and I haven't made a trip to the store, let alone anything else... LOL. I need to find a big boost of aspiration to complete all these tasks or I'll be completely exhausted by the time I get off work tomorrow night......

Warning - Pictures!

Here are a few shots I've taken of Jaden in March.










I figured I would take the opportunity to show off my world... I can't wait to get him outside again in the next couple of weeks to catch a few others.

I have a month until my baby turns three and I can't believe it's coming so quickly! Where does the time go???

Things...

So Easter Sunday will be spent with Rob's family in his parents' new house. We aren't doing anything fancy, but it will be great to spend time together. I'm in charge of dessert, and thinking about doing a pound cake for strawberry short cake or something along those lines. I'm looking forward to that!!!

I highly recommend watching "Pursuit of Happyness" if you get the chance. We rented it and watched it tonight. WOW! I really can't say much more or I'll give it all away. It's a DEFINITE worth-while show!! The title and theme of the movie has my brain churning and will probably result in another one of those brain-teasing posts. (c: One has to love inspiration.

Jaden is definitely feeling a thousand times better and has been bouncing off the walls the past couple of days. We had a great time today and this evening all together as a family. As he said, "I'm so happy you have days off." Although, he was insisting that I had 5 years off work. What a ham.

That's about it for now. I think I'm going to get myself tucked into bed for the long haul and get my day ready to go again tomorrow. Nothing like laundry to occupy one's time. (c:

Ahhhhhh, relaxing...

I didn't get out of bed until just after 11 and we all went out to lunch, or in my case, breakfast. It was nice and relaxing! Now it's approaching time for Jaden to take a nap, and to be honest, I'm going to lay back down for a couple more hours of sleep before our evening filled with family visits and making plans for Easter finds it's way here.

On that note, It's ALREADY EASTER! Wow! Spring has finally sprung it's way into our lives and the summer filled with barbecues and fun times outside is fast approaching!!!

It's time to go catch a short nap....

Oh It's Monday....

Oh how it is a Monday, but thankfully, also my Friday. It's been one thing after another, and I'm exhausted! I had to cook as Monday's we do a pot-luck at work, so I made fiesta chicken casserole; very tasty and if I didn't load it up with 2-3 cups of cheese, quite healthy too. (c: In any event, I have an hour until I have to be at work and I've definitely not gotten enough sleep, so I'm going to do my best to be in a good mood at work, however, I'm sure I'll be stopping off to grab a couple energy drinks that will hopefully tide me over through the night.

Tomorrow's agenda consists of sleeping in, yes, me sleeping in, as I am in desperate need of catching up on that all important beauty rest, possibly coloring my hair (be forewarned; new pictures might appear) and spending a quiet evening dropping in on the in-laws to take them their house warming gift as they moved last week and catch up on all the gossip. I haven't seen all of them in about three weeks, so it will be good for everyone. (c:

Wednesday consists of laundry and bill paying. That seems to be my usual before I head back to work. Although bill paying is pretty minimal this week, thankfully. All I have to pay is the cable bill and everything is squared away for another week or so. YAY! It's hard to believe I've managed to get everything paid this month, but somehow-someway, it's happened.

I've made it to the month of April. It's hard to believe that we are already 1/4 of the way through the year. This is a hard month for me with Reiley's anniversary on the 10th, but to be honest, I've done much better this year than I have in all the years before. It's still a sore spot, one I almost wish I could erase from my memory; alas that isn't the case, so here's to another year...

Jaden will be three in just a month! May 5th is coming up much faster than I would like. I'm going to have to get busy and plan a small party around everyone's hectic schedules and fortunately, I already have birthday presents hidden in the closet! (c: I don't have a whole lot I need to get, but there are definitely a few things that are a necessity.

So much to do in the coming months. It's going to be near impossible to get any time off in June and July; so I'm going to have to enjoy what time off I have between now and then. What a crazy world!

There's more to be said, but that, dear friends, is for another day...

Ahhhhhhh

It's so nice to take time out for oneself! I did tonight and I feel so awesome! I spent an hour and a half relaxing in the tub and then taking a refreshing shower. Now, it's time for a movie and then I'm off to bed. What a relaxing evening!

Work, sorted, sort of...

Tim and I got to talking last night about the schedule, and what we had requested, etc. I mentioned to him that I was not happy about not being scheduled on Saturdays and he casually made a deal with me... If I was willing to come in early tonight, so he could get off and do his usual Sunday thing, he would work some magic and get me back on Saturdays. Eh, what the hell, I thought!

A little while later, the schedule was brought to me for my approval. I'm back on Saturdays with Sundays off instead. It's a small price to pay, not having Monday's off; but at least I can have Sundays with my family instead! It does mean that I'll be missing my favorite show and won't be watching that on Mondays any longer, but I'll take it to have my big money night back. And I might actually enjoy having Sundays off instead... at least it's a positive way of thinking... The bulk of everyone has Sundays off work; so I'll get to hang out with everyone, not just a few, here and there. :)

So now, I need to catch a short nap before I have to go to work...

Jaden update!

My little man is DEFINITELY feeling much better. He's been fun spirited and ready to run a muck all day long! The bad thing about a child starting to feel like a million buck is their uncontrollable desire to make up for all the naughty behavior that they didn't display while under the weather. :) It's going to be a LONG week! But, I'm glad my bug is feeling better!

Here we go again!

I went in this afternoon to copy down my work schedule for the next month. I honestly expected to walk in and see me having certain days off as that is how my schedule has been and is the way it should be. I figured there would be the occasional change throughout the month where I would have to cover a day on my normal days off, however, it would basically be the same. That was not at all what I discovered.

My entire schedule has been flip-flopped! I will no longer be working on Saturdays, which is my biggest money making night and instead of having my three days off that I desperately have to have together, I will be stuck working on my family night that I've had for months; Mondays. I'm so upset and angry that my schedule was disrupted in such a manner.

The disruption in my schedule has me questioning many things. The first thought that has run through my mind is the boyfriend of the Bar Manager who did all the scheduling has issues with Rob's brother as they were once in a band together and have recently split. The only two days of the week that he works there are Fridays and Saturdays. His influence and requests give him a great deal of favoritism when it comes to the schedule and what he needs. Even last night, as we were finishing up, he passed a rude comment about Rob's brother and I got pissed and told him I didn't want to hear it; and he continued on, so I said it again, which finally shut him up.

Being in a position where I have lost my biggest money making night frustrates me to no end and is making me seriously consider finding another job. That's the most difficult aspect to this, and as much as I'd love to "stay put" especially after some of my regulars from Rawlins finding me there; I'm having to face this decision now...

Sleep....... I NEED SLEEP!

Jaden is still sick, and woke up this morning sometime around 630 or 7, had a fever again, and after getting medicine, we snuggled into the couch to take a short nap, only to have the phone ring before 9. Why in the hell would people call this place so early when I don't even get to go to sleep until sometime between 4 and 5 when I work? Give me a break, people!!!

Sleep, a cozy warm bed with nice fluffy blankets is calling me... now, if I had the energy to go find where it resides....

Work, Work, Work

I went into work tonight, having left a bit early to account for the nasty roads and the 15 miles under I always manage to drive when it's that nasty out. I barely made it to work on time as there was a car accident that blocked my turn for a while. >I need a great rolling eyes graphic here.<

We share tips at work, which occurs in many places, but for Pete's sake! When there are 3 people taking care of the flow that only one and maybe a few moments of help from a manager are needed, no one is going to make a dime. I took it upon myself to even ASK to close down the Tiki bar (bar I was working tonight) as it was so slow. That didn't happen and I was ready to run out the door hours before I finally was able to leave after closing the bar down.

Tomorrow will be another one of those nights, I'm feeling. I have to be at work for a grueling 11 hours and they are all going to tick by rather slowly as most people don't appreciate having to fight slick roads and horrible drivers just for a good time. I'm definitely not one of the few that would venture out. Oh well, it's another day in paradise...

Do NOT call!

Just as a friendly reminder, if you haven't registered on the national "Do Not Call" list, I'd suggest that you do. Having had moved and collecting a new phone number, I've had numerous "Buy this" calls and have requested that my number be removed from their calling lists, but still get calls. Here is the national registry.

My poor baby...

My little man is officially sick. He has the flu, yes folks, influenza! We made a trip to the doctors this morning to discover that fact; not that I couldn't have guessed that as we've all had it and I knew how miserable I was. In any event, the doctor did tell me something that I didn't know... Jaden's tubes have both now come out of his ears and it's left him with a double ear infection to boot. Needless to say, it's high-dose antibiotics for him and a trip to the Ear Nose and Throat doc sometime next week or the week after for another consultation and possibly a second surgery. There's my not-so-chipper little man.

Inspiration....

Inspiration comes in many forms and through many different mediums in our lives; or in my life, at least. There are certain songs that I can listen to a thousand times and each time I hear them, they take me back to a moment in my life where I encountered a flood of emotion or take me to a dream of my future. There are movies I can watch time and time again that still, to this day, bring tears to my eyes as they have the same intense feeling that overcomes me. I've had this experience with books I've read as well as some poetry.

For me songs such as: One Sweet Day, Mariah Carey; Angels Among Us, Alabama; When you Say Nothing at All, Alison Krause; and Kryptonite, Five for Fighting; all bring about different emotions that leave me speechless. Along those lines a few movies that will forever reign in my heart are; Dirty Dancing, Top Gun and Mr. Holland's Opus.

So what has made a lasting impression in your life? What movies, songs or writings inspire you every time you hear/read/see them?

Bresnan Update

Rob got on the phone with Bresnan and complained to them, yet again, about service outages. They had scheduled someone to come on on Wednesday but alas, he showed up yesterday. While I'm not complaining that he showed up early, I am! We've all been sick and we were all napping well into the afternoon when the bang on the door shot us all awake. At least we have service up and working again! A few phone calls with complaints and we will end up with half of our service paid for by Bresnan this month. Oh pity. NOT!

Reiley

So it's that time of year again... the time when I bring up a subject that finds itself surrounded with hundreds of thousands of feelings and each year, seems to have an impact on my life in some form or fashion. Yes, the anniversary of Reiley's death will make it's seventh appearance in my life in just a few short weeks.

Mathew "Reiley" White was born August 13, 1999 at 5:13 am in Midland, Texas. He was 6 weeks premature, however weighed 5 pounds, zero ounces and was 18 and 1/2 inches long. Under the circumstances, he was a fairly healthy young man; only staying a total of 4 days in the hospital after his birth.

Shortly after he was born, it was requested that I move to Evanston and help care for my mom and brother while I moved forward with my own life. I accepted the offer and at 6 weeks old, Reiley took his first flight across country. We arrived at Salt Lake City airport and then took our drive into Evanston to begin life anew. Our life was fairly basic and we had a routine down to an art. There wasn't anything that could have thrown a wrench in our daily activities; or at least I had thought.

Early in the morning of April 9, 2000; I came home from work and after picking Reiley up from his sitters and pulled into the driveway like any other night, however, it wasn't like any other night. There were two police cars, parked on either side of the driveway with their lights on and an ambulance backed in shortly after I pulled in. Instantly, I knew that something was seriously wrong with my mom. I ran through the door, and went upstairs. The paramedics were loading my mom onto a stretcher as she was struggling to breathe worse than I had ever seen before. They left and I couldn't sleep afterwards. I wanted to be at the hospital with my mom, however, I knew that I had to be home; with my son and my younger brother.

It was sometime around 6 that they stabilized my mom and she was "in the clear" this time round. I managed to ghost through the day with the lack of sleep and managed to catch a very short nap when Reiley took his nap that day. We ate ham, mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner that night. Reiley even took part in the feast. We went to sleep sometime around 830 or 9 that night and when the morning came, I awoke in horror that Reiley hadn't gotten up during the night.

I let out the most horrific blood curdling scream that was heard from the street after I turned on the lights to find my son, my angel, gone. I picked him up and ran straight for my mom's room, expecting her to be there and to make it all better. My baby brother came in and gave me one cordless phone as I called 9-1-1. I began CPR and my brother made a call from the other phone line, which brought Gary speeding back into Evanston from Carter Creek.

At the point when the first officer arrived, he asked me if I wanted to continue CPR, and there was no way I could continue at that point. I had reached my breaking point and all I could do was cry and beg for them to bring my son back to me. The paramedics checked Reiley out, and pronounced him dead on arrival. They offered numerous times to take me to the hospital, and I kept telling them no, all I wanted was my mom - ironically; who was at the hospital.

That day lives in my memory and provides me with crystal clear images as this anniversary rolls around. I miss my son terribly. I often find myself lost in thought as to what he would be like today, who his friends would be and had it not been for his death, how my life could have been different.

Reiley is my angel - he was my angel on earth and changed me into the person I am, from the person I once was. He will always have a very special and sincere place in my heart and life. I will never forget all that Reiley gave to me all the while making drastic changes I didn't fully understand until many years later.

Although now I have an absolutely amazing little boy in my life, Jaden, who means the world to me, I still miss my son and still yearn for him in my life. As each anniversary passes, they do become much easier to bear, however, the pain of that wound still carries a powerful bite that brings me to tears at times.

Financial stresses

Rob's been out of work for almost a month now. I've been a raging bitch, to say the least as I've been stressed about finances. There's nothing like having extra money at the end of the month to blow suddenly being ripped from sight. I've had to really watch my spending, which is something I just don't like to do, but it has paid off. It turns out, even without Rob working, it is really feasible for me to cover all of our expenses and yes, there is still a couple hundred dollars left over. HORRAY! The only bill left to pay is rent on this place, and I'll make that next week. YAY! I feel much better about everything now, and know that I don't have to stress quite as much as I have been. I'm sure the whole house will appreciate that, as they won't have to walk on egg-shells around me. :)

Weekend get-away.... NOT

Jaden was supposed to spend the weekend away, having fun and enjoying the company of some friends in Rawlins. I was going to drive him down tomorrow or Friday morning, and pick him up on Sunday. However, the horrific bug that has caught all of us as well as the impending nasty winter storm have changed those plans. My poor little guy has the appetite of nothing and isn't even fighting taking his afternoon naps! That in itself is enough to convince me of not driving through the summit and through Arlington, let alone what the weather will entail for those areas. :) Oh well... nothing like a typical work filled weekend for me and tons of rest for Jaden.

Six months until change

Six months - not a huge amount of time, but in the same token, six months equates to 183 days or 26.5 weeks. Go ahead, as the question... "Why would 6 months be the topic of this blog?" It marks the time frame I've set for myself...

I have some issues with my reproductive system that are increasingly getting worse as time progresses. I've pretty well made the decision to find a permanent solution to the disruption that occurs in my life as a result of those issues, but I don't want to make that decision today. I've decided to give myself six months and at the end of that time, if the symptoms haven't subsided, I will, at that point, follow through and find the solution that best fits my needs.

There has been a great deal of sadness surrounding my thoughts and decisions in regards to this, however. A permanent solution; no matter which route I follow, will also put an end to child rearing. I'm not sure that in the next six months Rob and I will be in a position to consider having a child, but at the same time, I can't take the debilitating pain that surrounds my life, either. Talk about Scylla and Charybdis...

Days off...

I thoroughly enjoy the fact that I am getting three days off in a week, but they still seem to move by more quick than I'd like. I end up sleeping half of the day away on Mondays and then fall back into that vicious cycle by staying up well into the morning hours after having gotten more sleep than necessary only to go through it again. Here it sits, 3 am and my son has been sound asleep for hours, and while knowing darn good and well he's going to be up in a few hours, I still sit, with thousands of thoughts running through my little head.

I was, however, productive today. I did manage to take care of all the bills that needed paid and even had some quality time with my 'family' tonight. I rented movies and Jaden got to watch Peter Pan, while Rob and I got to see the break up artist and man of the year. Not too bad for one day's not-work. :) Tomorrow - laundry..........

Responsibility

Why is it, as I'm in process of getting ready for work *in a not-so-productive manner* my son keeps begging me to stay home, and with as crappy as I feel *still recovering from the major fever that started this nasty virus* and as tired as I am *not getting into bed until super late, being up all day* I have to keep telling him that "Mommy has to go to work. I can't afford not to go to work." I feel so bad. All he wants is to spend time with someone who is going to give him attention and play with him, and all I can manage to do is continue chugging along on this very weary track tonight. :( I feel bad for the little bugger...

Who wouldn't want to stay home with a face like this?? Oh well, here's to responsibility at it's worst.

Oh a lighter note, it's Friday and I might manage to walk back in the door sometime nearing 330 in the morning if I'm lucky only to get a few hours of good sleep before the light starts cracking through the window again. At least I *have* a job. There are many others less fortunate who can't complain about the bliss that is mine.

And off to work I go....

Where did THAT come from?

I'm a mom to a wonderful little boy, and often find that certain phrases that would be normally heard within the lifetime of any adult take on a different shape and form when little ones are present. Pies, Wine and Moon is just one of those humorous and carefully constructed version of Piss, Whine and Moan. :) This space is for all of my rants, complaints and otherwise not so thrilling thoughts and feelings. Hopefully, by the time I manage to type all those forbidden thoughts, there will be much humor incorporated within them. :)

Bresnan Cable

So we've experienced a few cable outages over the past couple of weeks and after some convincing, Rob called them and they scheduled a tech to come out on Friday between 1 and 3. No biggie, someone would be here, right? Wrong...

I get up and Rob, who is now fighting the same bug that hit me a few days ago, reminds me that Bresnan is supposed to be here between one and three today and he was going to go lay back down and get more sleep. I don't blame him there! So as a courtesy, I turned the ringers off. I opened the front door so any reasonable person would KNOW that someone is home, and went about my business, checking the phone every few minutes to make sure I didn't miss a call in the process.

I watched the Bresnan truck pull into the cul-de-sac, and figured he'd be right up to the door, right?? Come on now... isn't that what MOST people would do?? Wrong. So I watch him back out, and think, eh, he probably forgot something, whatever, he'll be right back. HA!

I happened to glance at the phone and saw a strange number on it, so I called them back. No Answer. Then there was another call from "communications" and I turned the phone on, only to find a voicemail. The tech had called and because I didn't answer the phone, assumed I wasn't home.... HELLO??!! There's a 3 year old that's been running up to the screen door left and right, who in their RIGHT MIND wouldn't think someone was home??!!

So I'm supposed to call and reschedule... I'm sitting here going, why in the hell should I put myself back on YOUR schedule when your tech has spent the past hour and 15 minutes parked just up the street, probably kicked back in his work truck eating chips and drinking soda as he picks his nose until his next appointment. Please.